Today is a day like any other. Today is like yesterday, like tomorrow will be. Today I got up and ate stuff I found in the fridge. Today I got on my bike and drove up the hill and placed myself in the little room upstairs. Today the buses drove by and the cars honked. Today I sat together with people and they talked. Now I am at another desk in the library starring at the glass front. Two hours in the future I will drive home. Two hours and half an hour in the future I will sit down and stare at another screen till I go to bed. Today is a day like any other.
I sit midst its mountains of glass, my prominence in high lights. The sky – aglow in grey – blocks my escape.
back to me
Then over there, a girl with book and bottle – in a city without – faces in binary mirrors stare: excited numbness.
The ball hits the water. Little drops ascend into the air, while the ball kissed the ground and bend to return.
At first there was the plastic box. I opened the window and watched the plastic shatter on the ground into a thousand pieces revealing nothing, briefly stuck in mid-air before coming to rest on the concrete. The books followed, their pages fluttering in the wind. For a moment I see them in my hand, I feel the grass. The water is soaking through them fast, rendering its knowledge forever useless. I take a special delight in this. I feel the necessity of my destruction, the elevation through rain and brute force. I imagine the keys on my keyboard forming one last sentence before they die. A last call to the rest of its contents, which already stopped breathing.
When I was five, I learned how to die.
Now, I am watching the girl on the other side. I like her. I know this, because my heart is beating a little bit faster. Brown hair, strict eyes behind glasses, blue. She looks at me and smiles. The gesture moves through her, the flow of lips and eyes. I smile back. I won’t do anything more.
And then, she and I, we lived together for a year by chance. We were roommates, we liked each other. I even love her, although I still don’t know what that means.